i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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