oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
