Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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