Having a random hookup so left but love u
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
