i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
