So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
