just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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