You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize