I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
In America we eat man semen.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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