Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The air was thick with penises
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
