Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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