i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
