elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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