how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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