I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
