So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
