loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
