Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
