i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
my liver is dry heaving
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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