I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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