I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
