If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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