I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
