Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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