Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
