I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
