When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
