but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
