I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
