Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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