Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
