so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
