Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
