You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
