wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
