Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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