I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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