whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
