She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
