I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
