If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
