How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
