I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
