So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
