I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
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He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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