is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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