my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Congratulations! We have a period
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