So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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