I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize