The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
