Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
