So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I need to calm my uterus...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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