you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
