you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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