Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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