Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
