I'm pants shitting drunk right now
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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