I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
