I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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