i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
