I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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