Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
