Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
