Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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