you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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