Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
