I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
