Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
